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    3. 每個夜闌都失眠,心眼無從看穿

      發布時間:2017-07-21 09:55 編輯:千家文

        自懂事以來沒有哪個晚上是好好睡覺的,自己的睡眠很糟糕!我想像我這樣的人應該命不長,這也是好事,如果失眠還命長這是何等的痛苦呀!
        
        但也不是沒有好好睡過,初戀那會每天都睡的特別香,初戀都說晚上會想著對方,可是我沒有,一下子就睡著了!很滿足,很滿足,感覺世界特別安靜,容易入睡!可是好景不長,愛戀很快就沒了!又開始失眠,滿腦子想的是她,后來忍不住給她發很多的消息!她從來不回復,從來不回復!于是自己將心里所有的碎事都說了出來,她還是沒有回復!每一次的千言萬語,總是換來深夜失眠!很多次說服自己她還會被感動,但是每一次都沒有消息!
        
        跟自己說忘了吧,忘了吧,可是忘不了!影響睡眠的不當只是失戀!還有很多很多的事情!每天起來感覺精疲力盡,沒有任何值得努力的沒有任何值得奮斗的!
        
        一次次說服自己,為了自己而努力,為了自己而奮斗,但是有心無力!想要去做想要干,沒有機會,沒有能力,沒有勇氣,沒有人支持!習慣了太多的沒有,最終也將什么都沒有!感覺自己的堅持一文不值!好好的努力了十年,最終生活和家庭仍然和十年前一樣的苦楚。生活品質也很糟糕,生活環境也很糟糕!想要遇一個知心人,可以好好訴說這些年的苦楚。卻沒有找到,約到朋友在一起,就是喝酒根本就沒有機會訴說什么!慢慢不愿去朋友聚會,感覺自己是木頭人,只會喝酒。
        
        我不想羨慕他們穿金戴銀,不羨慕他們口若懸河。只羨慕他們的瀟灑自如!我感覺自己毫無留存的意義,遇不到自己合適的也罷。就想過一個自己喜歡的生活但是也沒有,每天沒干什么身體卻也很疲憊!身與心都累了!身子懶了,體質自然就差了,心累了,自然就無所事事!感覺整個人都枯萎了,想要賣力的工作,卻只能等待,想要為一件事情癡迷,但是做不到!閑著閑著就越想越多,太多的與社會格格不入,太多的錯誤我都感覺到自己無所適從!
        
        希望有一天能夠放下所有,愿心里清靜再也不受塵世的打擾!
        
        

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